i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
