dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
