I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
