I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
