Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
