I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
