Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
