I accidentally burped into my bong.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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