I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
