It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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