I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
