i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
