Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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