I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
