Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
