You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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