im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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