and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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