you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
