Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
