I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
