we have officially lost it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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