I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
