so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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