Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
