A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
