News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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