What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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