your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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