I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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