Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
