I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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