At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
