I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
