I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
