We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
