dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
