Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
