I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
