my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
