Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
