the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
