sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Boobs are out for the taking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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