All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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