I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
