I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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