I need help removing her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
