apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
