my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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