so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
