I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
